Friday, April 30, 2004
This is one of the legendary Jacob jokes passed down to me by Jacob Cram:
So a man walks into a pie shop and asks for a piece of bavarian cream pie. The baker looks at him and tells him that he has not made bavarian cream pie in decades, and is not sure he remembers exactly how to make it. The man begged him, "Please, I haven't had bavarian cream pie since I was just a little boy at my granmother's farm, and it would mean so much to me if I could have even just one taste of some bavarian cream pie."
The baker looks into the man's eyes and sees the unbounded desire the man has to reflect back on his childhood. Feeling moved by the man's raw emotion the baker replied, "Alright, I guess I could make you a special order bavarian cream pie...let me go see if I can find the recipe in one of my old books."
The baker leftthe room and comes back holding an old dusty tome. He blew off the cover and started paging through the waterstained pages. Finally, he looked up and said, "Aha, I knew it was in here. Ok bavarian creme pie, says here I'm going to need several ingredients, lets see, I'll need eggs, flour, milk, sugar, vanilla extract, and tartar."
Upon hearing this, the man immediately ran out the door and purchased all the necessary ingredients at the local grocery store. About a half hour later he returned, and placed the ingredients on the counter exclaiming, "There that should be everything you need."
The baker looked at the ingredients and then slowly lifted his head. "Oh this will never do...It says you need the milk of a spotted Peruvian llama."
The baker looked into the man's eyes and could see the intense fires burning. The man responded, "Well, I simply must have this pie, so I guess I'm off to Peru."
The man purchased a plane ticket, and flew to Peru. Upon arriving at the gates, he asked one of the locals where he could find a spotted Peruvian llama. The local looked at him and told him that he had not seen spotted Peruvian llamas in a long time, but he had last heard that they lived far up in the mountains. The man thanked him, claimed his luggage and set off for the local climb store. He purchased his gear and started his ascent up the summit. Through the cold, dry winds he climbed, night and day. Eventually, he reached the peak, and saw a sheperd and his herd of spotted Peruvian llamas. The man asked the shepard if he might have a small canteen filled of the llama milk, and the shepard, seeing how much the man wanted the milk gave it to him. The man thanked him and started his descent down the mountain.
Knowing that customs would never let him take the llama milk on the plane, the man shipped the canteen back to his home in the states. He then took a cab to the airport, and flew back home.
A day later the man returned to the the bakery with the canteen of llama milk. He handed the baker the milk and said, "Ok, can you make me my bavarian cream pie now?"
The baker looked back into his old tome and looked up sadly. "Oh no, it says here I am going to need the eggs of a large crested jungle duck from the Polynesian Islands, but this time I am sure that is the only other ingredient I need."
The man looked at the baker and replied, "Well, if it must be done it must be done, and walked out the door.
The man again purchased plane tickets and flew to the Polynesian Islands. When he landed at the small airport, he immediately asked where he could find a guide through the jungles. After asking around for awhile, he was able to find a guide who would take him through the jungles in exchange for his watch. The man liked his watch, having recieved it as a wedding gift from his best friend in college. After thinking the deal over for awhile, the man agreed to the exchange. The guide told him they would set out at dawn.
The man went to a little run-down hotel and spent the night, unnable to get a good rest. At dawn he met the guide at the edge of the jungle. The guide led him through the jungle at a fairly fast clip, ignoring the humid rain, and the foot deep mud. About 10 miles into the jungle, the guide pointed to a small nest. "That is the nest of the duck you seek."
The man approached the nest and grabbed the lone egg sitting in it. He grabbed the egg and he and his guide began the trek back out of the jungle.
The man again shipped the egg home before getting on his own plane home.
A day later he returned to the shop with his egg from the large crested jungle duck and the milk from the spotted Peruvian llama. He entered the bakery, but to his dismay he did not see anyone except a young woman in her mid-twenties. The man asked her "Where's the old baker who promised to make me a bavarian cream pie."
The woman looked at him and regretfully said, "He's retired because he is no longer phsyically able to stand around all day and bake pies, and he's getting to the point where he can no longer speak."
The man told him he was sorry to hear that, and asked where he could send a card to the ailling baker. The woman wrote down an address for him and gave it to him on an index card. After recieving the address from her, he asked if she could make him the bavarian cream pie.
The woman looked at him sadly and told him that the baker had never released the secrets of his pies to anyone, and he had burned his recipe book upon his retirement, and she was unable to make a bavarian cream pie herself.
"Ok then," replied the man "I guess I'll have the apple."
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
So a man walks into a pie shop and asks for a piece of bavarian cream pie. The baker looks at him and tells him that he has not made bavarian cream pie in decades, and is not sure he remembers exactly how to make it. The man begged him, "Please, I haven't had bavarian cream pie since I was just a little boy at my granmother's farm, and it would mean so much to me if I could have even just one taste of some bavarian cream pie."
The baker looks into the man's eyes and sees the unbounded desire the man has to reflect back on his childhood. Feeling moved by the man's raw emotion the baker replied, "Alright, I guess I could make you a special order bavarian cream pie...let me go see if I can find the recipe in one of my old books."
The baker leftthe room and comes back holding an old dusty tome. He blew off the cover and started paging through the waterstained pages. Finally, he looked up and said, "Aha, I knew it was in here. Ok bavarian creme pie, says here I'm going to need several ingredients, lets see, I'll need eggs, flour, milk, sugar, vanilla extract, and tartar."
Upon hearing this, the man immediately ran out the door and purchased all the necessary ingredients at the local grocery store. About a half hour later he returned, and placed the ingredients on the counter exclaiming, "There that should be everything you need."
The baker looked at the ingredients and then slowly lifted his head. "Oh this will never do...It says you need the milk of a spotted Peruvian llama."
The baker looked into the man's eyes and could see the intense fires burning. The man responded, "Well, I simply must have this pie, so I guess I'm off to Peru."
The man purchased a plane ticket, and flew to Peru. Upon arriving at the gates, he asked one of the locals where he could find a spotted Peruvian llama. The local looked at him and told him that he had not seen spotted Peruvian llamas in a long time, but he had last heard that they lived far up in the mountains. The man thanked him, claimed his luggage and set off for the local climb store. He purchased his gear and started his ascent up the summit. Through the cold, dry winds he climbed, night and day. Eventually, he reached the peak, and saw a sheperd and his herd of spotted Peruvian llamas. The man asked the shepard if he might have a small canteen filled of the llama milk, and the shepard, seeing how much the man wanted the milk gave it to him. The man thanked him and started his descent down the mountain.
Knowing that customs would never let him take the llama milk on the plane, the man shipped the canteen back to his home in the states. He then took a cab to the airport, and flew back home.
A day later the man returned to the the bakery with the canteen of llama milk. He handed the baker the milk and said, "Ok, can you make me my bavarian cream pie now?"
The baker looked back into his old tome and looked up sadly. "Oh no, it says here I am going to need the eggs of a large crested jungle duck from the Polynesian Islands, but this time I am sure that is the only other ingredient I need."
The man looked at the baker and replied, "Well, if it must be done it must be done, and walked out the door.
The man again purchased plane tickets and flew to the Polynesian Islands. When he landed at the small airport, he immediately asked where he could find a guide through the jungles. After asking around for awhile, he was able to find a guide who would take him through the jungles in exchange for his watch. The man liked his watch, having recieved it as a wedding gift from his best friend in college. After thinking the deal over for awhile, the man agreed to the exchange. The guide told him they would set out at dawn.
The man went to a little run-down hotel and spent the night, unnable to get a good rest. At dawn he met the guide at the edge of the jungle. The guide led him through the jungle at a fairly fast clip, ignoring the humid rain, and the foot deep mud. About 10 miles into the jungle, the guide pointed to a small nest. "That is the nest of the duck you seek."
The man approached the nest and grabbed the lone egg sitting in it. He grabbed the egg and he and his guide began the trek back out of the jungle.
The man again shipped the egg home before getting on his own plane home.
A day later he returned to the shop with his egg from the large crested jungle duck and the milk from the spotted Peruvian llama. He entered the bakery, but to his dismay he did not see anyone except a young woman in her mid-twenties. The man asked her "Where's the old baker who promised to make me a bavarian cream pie."
The woman looked at him and regretfully said, "He's retired because he is no longer phsyically able to stand around all day and bake pies, and he's getting to the point where he can no longer speak."
The man told him he was sorry to hear that, and asked where he could send a card to the ailling baker. The woman wrote down an address for him and gave it to him on an index card. After recieving the address from her, he asked if she could make him the bavarian cream pie.
The woman looked at him sadly and told him that the baker had never released the secrets of his pies to anyone, and he had burned his recipe book upon his retirement, and she was unable to make a bavarian cream pie herself.
"Ok then," replied the man "I guess I'll have the apple."
People been complaining I need to get a bit outta the quote scene and a bit into the rant scene. People say a lot of things...a lot of lies...advice that'll get you killed. I mean do I have to rant if I don't want to? Yes, the answer is yes they say as they pry in their little agendas to get into my head. AGGGGHHHH STAY OUT OF MY HEAD!!! Well, I spose I ask for it, cause anything I post here can be seen by anyone. Soulsearching into my mind, a place so scary that I gotta be outta it. So let me not rant in peace.....and....damn...you guys win...
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Fry: I know that monkey! His name's Donkey!
Farnsworth: Monkeys aren't donkeys! Stop playing with our heads!
Fry:Space, it seems to go on and on forever, but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.
Futurama-Anthology of Interest II, season 4
Monday, April 26, 2004
Farnsworth: Monkeys aren't donkeys! Stop playing with our heads!
Fry:Space, it seems to go on and on forever, but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.
Futurama-Anthology of Interest II, season 4
This is just a little line I started, not complete quite yet.
You think you got an army full of your drones
A whole f***-ing brigade full of little Bush clones
What you really ain't hearin is their wails and their moans
If only you'd put on a pair of headphones
And listened to the lyrics of a few of these poems.
They call it the land of the free,
Free to kill and call it liberty
Turn around and collect a fee
Work and toil
to clean up a bloodstained soil
demand our new subjects bow down and be loyal
and then deny that the war wasn't about oil
when the whole country knows damned well it is
use it to the advantage of Cheney's biz
Take it all away from the country's kids
and use it to fund more wars like this.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
You think you got an army full of your drones
A whole f***-ing brigade full of little Bush clones
What you really ain't hearin is their wails and their moans
If only you'd put on a pair of headphones
And listened to the lyrics of a few of these poems.
They call it the land of the free,
Free to kill and call it liberty
Turn around and collect a fee
Work and toil
to clean up a bloodstained soil
demand our new subjects bow down and be loyal
and then deny that the war wasn't about oil
when the whole country knows damned well it is
use it to the advantage of Cheney's biz
Take it all away from the country's kids
and use it to fund more wars like this.
Dear Stupid Dog, I've gone to live with the children on Jolly Farm. Good-bye forever, Stewie. P.S.- I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the 30-day return limit, but I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. It's actually not a horrible sweater, it's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it, you know? Oh and I also left a button on the bureau, um I'm not sure what it goes to but um I, I can never bring myself to throw a button away, I know as soon as I do, I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll, wait a minute actually could it have been from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm. Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again good-bye forever. PPS- You know what, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.
-Stewie Griffen from Family Guy
Build A Bridge
Build a bridge to your mind
It takes me there everytime
Lay it all on the line
Theres a way
Build a bridge
Make a path
Overlook the aftermath
Make my tears be your bath
Theres a way
Only if you'll take a ride
Go with me to the other side
Even tho its gonna crumble down
I'll keep building till you come around
Even tho its gonna fall apart
(Break my heart)
I'll keep building till I die
Build a bridge of memories
Stretch it out overseas
To the end of the world
Theres a way
Build a bridge made of pain
Send my longing down the drain
I have no reasons to complain
Theres a way
Only if you'll take a ride
Go with me to the other side
Even though it's gonna crumble down
I'll keep building till you come around
Even tho its gonna fall apart
(Break my heart)
I'll keep building till I die
Wait, wait from me
Wait, please wait for me
Wait, wait for me
Wait, please wait for me
Even though its gonna crumble down
(Gonna crumble down)
I'll keep building till you come around
(Until you come around)
Even though it's gonna fall apart
Break my heart
I'll keep building till I die
Even though its gonna crumble down
(Gonna crumble down)
I'll keep building till you come around
(Until you come around)
Even though it's gonna fall apart
Break my heart
I'll keep building till I die
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
It takes me there everytime
Lay it all on the line
Theres a way
Build a bridge
Make a path
Overlook the aftermath
Make my tears be your bath
Theres a way
Only if you'll take a ride
Go with me to the other side
Even tho its gonna crumble down
I'll keep building till you come around
Even tho its gonna fall apart
(Break my heart)
I'll keep building till I die
Build a bridge of memories
Stretch it out overseas
To the end of the world
Theres a way
Build a bridge made of pain
Send my longing down the drain
I have no reasons to complain
Theres a way
Only if you'll take a ride
Go with me to the other side
Even though it's gonna crumble down
I'll keep building till you come around
Even tho its gonna fall apart
(Break my heart)
I'll keep building till I die
Wait, wait from me
Wait, please wait for me
Wait, wait for me
Wait, please wait for me
Even though its gonna crumble down
(Gonna crumble down)
I'll keep building till you come around
(Until you come around)
Even though it's gonna fall apart
Break my heart
I'll keep building till I die
Even though its gonna crumble down
(Gonna crumble down)
I'll keep building till you come around
(Until you come around)
Even though it's gonna fall apart
Break my heart
I'll keep building till I die
I don't even think you know who you are
a smile, a wave in passing
a gesture of kindness
how could you know
that kindness becomes pain (please don't stop anyway)
closed internal
teeth grating, hair pulling, frustrating
longing, hoping, wishing
that I could burst forth
and just know that you know.
